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writing good essays Westbourne School

In the interests of writing good essays Westbourne School, creating employment opportunities in the how to write a life story essay epsom college Java programming field, I am passing on these tips from the masters on how to write code that is so difficult to maintain, that the writing good essays Westbourne School people who come after you will take years to make even the simplest changes. Further, if you follow all these rules religiously, you will even guarantee yourself a lifetime of writing good essays Westbourne School, employment, since no one but you has a hope in how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school hell of maintaining the how to write a life story essay epsom college code. He views your code through a tube taken from the writing good essays Westbourne School centre of a roll of toilet paper. He can only see a tiny piece of your program at writing good essays Westbourne School, a time. You want to make sure he can never get the big picture from doing that. You want to make it as hard as possible for him to find the code he is looking for. But even more important, you want to make it as awkward as possible for him to safely ignore anything. Lie in the comments. You don't have to actively lie, just fail to keep comments as up to date with the code. Pepper the code with comments like /* add 1 to i */ however, never document wooly stuff like the overall purpose of the package or method. Make sure that every method does a little bit more (or less) than its name suggests. As a simple example, a method named isValid(x) should as a side effect convert x to binary and how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school store the result in a database. Use acronyms to keep the code terse. Real men never define acronyms; they understand them genetically. In the define essay writing rossall school interests of efficiency, avoid encapsulation. Callers of writing good essays Westbourne School, a method need all the external clues they can get to remind them how the method works inside. If, for essay creative writing abbey college manchester example, you were writing an airline reservation system, make sure there are at least 25 places in the code that need to be modified if you were to add another airline. Never document where they are. People who come after you have no business modifying your code without thoroughly understanding every line of it. In the name of efficiency, use cut/paste/clone/modify. This works much faster than using many small reusable modules. Never never put a comment on a variable. writing good essays Westbourne School! Facts about how the variable is used, its bounds, its legal values, its implied/displayed number of writing good essays Westbourne School, decimal points, its units of how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school, measure, its display format, its data entry rules (e.g. writing good essays Westbourne School! total fill, must enter), when its value can be trusted etc. Custom written essays Mercersburg Academy! should be gleaned from the procedural code. If your boss forces you to write comments, lard method bodies with them, but never comment a variable, not even a temporary! Try to pack as much as possible into a single line. This saves the overhead of temporary variables, and makes source files shorter by eliminating new line characters and white space. How to write a life story essay Epsom College! Tip: remove all white space around operators. Good programmers can often hit the 255 character line length limit imposed by some editors. The bonus of writing good essays Westbourne School, long lines is that programmers who cannot read 6 point type must scroll to view them. Cd wrttn wtht vwls s mch trsr. writing good essays Westbourne School! When using abbreviations inside variable or method names, break the boredom with several variants for the same word, and how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school even spell it out longhand once in while. writing good essays Westbourne School! This helps defeat those lazy bums who use text search to how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy, understand only some aspect of your program. Consider variant spellings as a variant on the ploy, e.g. mixing International colour , with American color and dude-speak kulerz . If you spell out articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz names in full, there is only one possible way to spell each name. These are too easy for the maintenance programmer to remember. Because there are so many different ways to abbreviate a word, with abbreviations, you can have several different variables that all have the same apparent purpose. As an added bonus, the maintenance programmer might not even notice they are separate variables. Never use an automated source code tidier to keep your code aligned. Lobby to have them banned them from your company on the grounds they create false deltas in PVCS (version control tracking) or that every programmer should have his own indenting style held forever sacrosanct for any module he wrote. Banning them is writing good essays Westbourne School quite easy, even though they save the essay creative writing abbey college manchester millions of keystrokes doing manual alignment and days wasted misinterpreting poorly aligned code. Just insist that everyone use the same tidied format, not just for storing in the articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz common repository, but while they are editing. This starts an RWAR and writing good essays Westbourne School the boss, to keep the peace, will ban automated tidying. Without automated tidying, you are now free to writing good essays Westbourne School, accidentally misalign the code to give the optical illusion that bodies of writing good essays Westbourne School, loops and ifs are longer or shorter than they really are, or that else clauses match a different if than they really do. e.g. Never put in any surrounding your if/else blocks unless they are syntactically obligatory. If you have a deeply nested mixture of if/else statements and blocks, especially with misleading indentation, you can trip up even an expert maintenance programmer. Rigidly follow the guidelines about how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school no goto, no early returns, and no labelled breaks especially when you can increase the if/else nesting depth by at least 5 levels. Use very long variable names that differ from each other by only one character, or only in upper/lower case. How to write literary analysis essay St. Michaels University School! An ideal variable name pair is swimmer and how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy swimner . Exploit the how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school failure of most fonts to clearly discriminate between ilI1| or oO08 with identifier pairs like parselnt and parseInt or D0Calc and DOCalc . l is an exceptionally fine choice for a variable name since it will, to the casual glance, masquerade as the constant 1. Articles writing jobs Lyceum Alpinum Zuoz! Create varible names that differ from writing good essays Westbourne School, each other only in case e.g. writing good essays Westbourne School! HashTable and Hashtable. Wherever scope rules permit, reuse existing unrelated variable names. Similarly, use the same temporary variable for two unrelated purposes (purporting to save stack slots). How to write a life story essay Epsom College! For a fiendish variant, morph the writing good essays Westbourne School variable, for example, assign a value to writing good essays Westbourne School, a variable at the top of a very long method, and how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school then somewhere in the middle, change the meaning of the variable in a subtle way, such as converting it from a 0-based coordinate to a 1-based coordinate. Be certain not to document this change in meaning. Define essay writing Rossall School! Use lower case l to indicate long constants. e.g. 10l is how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school more likely to be mistaken for 101 that 10L is. Ignore the conventions in Java for how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy where to use upper case in variable and class names i.e. Classes start with upper case, variables with lower case, constants are all upper case, with internal words capitalised. After all, Sun does (e.g. instanceof vs isInstanceOf, Hashtable). Not to worry, the compiler won't even issue a warning to give you away. If your boss forces you to use the conventions, when there is any doubt about writing good essays Westbourne School whether an internal word should be capitalised, avoid capitalising or make a random choice, e.g. use both inputFileName and outputfilename. writing good essays Westbourne School! You can of course drive your team members insane by writing good essays Westbourne School inventing your own insanely complex naming conventions then berate others for not following them. The ultimate technique is to create as many variable names as possible that differ subtlely from each other only in case. Never use i for the how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school innermost loop variable. writing good essays Westbourne School! Use anything but. Use i liberally for any other purpose especially for non-int variables. Similary use n as a loop index. Never use local variables. writing good essays Westbourne School! Whenever you feel the temptation to use one, make it into an instance or static variable instead to unselfishly share it with all the other methods of writing good essays Westbourne School, the class. This will save you work later when other methods need similar declarations. writing good essays Westbourne School! C++ programmers can go a step further by making all variables global. Never document gotchas in the code. If you suspect there may be a bug in a class, keep it to writing good essays Westbourne School, yourself. If you have ideas about how the code should be reorganised or rewritten, for heaven's sake, do not write them down. Remember the words of Thumper "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" . What if the programmer who wrote that code saw your comments? What if the owner of the company saw them? What if a customer did? You could get yourself fired. To break the writing good essays Westbourne School boredom, use a thesaurus to look up as much alternate vocabulary as possible to refer to the same action, e.g. writing good essays Westbourne School! display , show , present . Vaguely hint there is writing good essays Westbourne School, some subtle difference, where none exists. However, if there are two similar functions that have a crucial difference, always use the same word in custom written essays mercersburg academy describing both functions (e.g. print to mean write to a file, and to a print on a laser, and to display on the screen). Under no circumstances, succumb to demands to write a glossary with the special purpose project vocabulary unambiguously defined. Doing so would be unprofessional breach of the structured design principle of information hiding. In naming functions, make heavy use of abstract words like it , everything , data , handle , stuff , do , routine , perform and the digits e.g. routineX48 , PerformDataFunction , DoIt , HandleStuff and writing good essays Westbourne School do_args_method . In Java, all primitives passed as parameters are effectively read-only because they are passed by value. The callee can modify the parameters, but that has no effect on the how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school caller's variables. In contrast all objects passed are read-write. The reference is writing good essays Westbourne School passed by value, which means the object itself is effectively passed by writing good essays Westbourne School reference. The callee can do whatever it wants to the writing good essays Westbourne School fields in your object. Never document whether a method actually modifies the fields in writing good essays Westbourne School each of the passed parameters. writing good essays Westbourne School! Name your methods to suggest they only writing good essays Westbourne School look at the fields when they actually change them. Never document the units of measure of how to write a life story essay epsom college, any variable, input, output or parameter. e.g. feet, metres, cartons. This is not so important in bean counting, but it is very important in engineering work. As a corollary, never document the writing good essays Westbourne School units of measure of any conversion constants, or how the values were derived. It is mild cheating, but very effective, to writing good essays Westbourne School, salt the code with some incorrect units of measure in the comments. If you are feeling particularly malicious, make up your own unit of measure; name it after yourself or some obscure person and writing good essays Westbourne School never define it. If somebody challenges you, tell them you did so that you could use integer rather than floating point arithmetic. writing good essays Westbourne School! In engineering work there are two ways to code. One is to convert all inputs to S.I. (metric) units of measure, then do your calculations then convert back to various civil units of measure for output. writing good essays Westbourne School! The other is to articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz, maintain the various mixed measure systems throughout. Always choose the second. It's the American way! I am going to articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz, let you in on a little-known coding secret. Exceptions are a pain in the behind. Properly-written code never fails, so exceptions are actually unnecessary. Don't waste time on them. Subclassing exceptions is for incompetents who know their code will fail. You can greatly simplify your program by having only a single try/catch in the entire application (in main) that calls System.exit(). Just stick a perfectly standard set of throws on every method header whether they could throw any exceptions or not. C compilers transform myArray[i] into *(myArray + i) , which is equivalent to *(i + myArray) which is equivalent to i[myArray] . Experts know to put this to good use. Unfortunately, this technique can only define essay writing rossall school be used in native classes. If you have an array with 100 elements in it, hard code the writing good essays Westbourne School literal 100 in as many places in the program as possible. Never use a static final named constant for the 100, or refer to it as myArray.length . writing good essays Westbourne School! To make changing this constant even more difficult, use the literal 50 instead of 100/2, or 99 instead of 100-1. writing good essays Westbourne School! You can futher disguise the 100 by writing good essays Westbourne School checking for a == 101 instead of a > 100 or a > 99 instead of a >= 100 . Consider things like page sizes, where the lines consisting of x header, y body, and z footer lines, you can apply the obfuscations independently to each of these and to their partial or total sums. These time-honoured techniques are especially effective in a program with two unrelated arrays that just accidentally happen to both have 100 elements. There are even more fiendish variants. To lull the maintenance programmer into a false sense of how to write a life story essay epsom college, security, dutifully create the writing good essays Westbourne School named constant, but very occasionally "accidentally" use the literal 100 value instead of writing good essays Westbourne School, the named constant. Custom written essays Mercersburg Academy! Most fiendish of all, in essay creative writing abbey college manchester place of the literal 100 or the correct named constant, sporadically use some other unrelated named constant that just accidentally happens to have the articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz value 100, for now. It almost goes without saying that you should avoid any consistent naming scheme that would associate an array name with its size constant. Essay creative writing Abbey College Manchester! Eschew any form of table-driven logic. It starts out innocently enough, but soon leads to end users proofreading and writing good essays Westbourne School then shudder , even modifying the tables for themselves. Nest as deeply as you can. Good coders can get up to 10 levels of ( ) on a single line and writing good essays Westbourne School 20 in a single method. C++ coders have the additional powerful option of preprocessor nesting totally independent of the nest structure of the underlying code. You earn extra Brownie points whenever the writing good essays Westbourne School beginning and end of a block appear on separate pages in a printed listing. Wherever possible, convert nested ifs into writing good essays Westbourne School, nested [? :] ternaries. Articles writing jobs Lyceum Alpinum Zuoz! Join a computer book of the month club. Select authors who appear to be too busy writing books to have had any time to actually write any code themselves. Browse the local bookstore for titles with lots of cloud diagrams in them and no coding examples. Skim these books to learn obscure pedantic words you can use to intimidate the whippersnappers that come after you. Your code should impress. If people can't understand your vocabulary, they must assume that you are very intelligent and that your algorithms are very deep. Avoid any sort of homely analogies in your algorithm explanations. Make "improvements" to your code often, and force users to upgrade often - after all, no one wants to be running an writing good essays Westbourne School outdated version. How to write a life story essay Epsom College! Just because they think they're happy with the writing good essays Westbourne School program as it is, just think how much happier they will be after you've "fixed" it! Don't tell anyone what the differences between versions are unless you are forced to - after all, why tell someone about bugs in the old version they might never have noticed otherwise? The About Box should contain only the name of the program, the names of writing good essays Westbourne School, the coders and a copyright notice written in legalese. Ideally it should link to several megs of essay creative writing abbey college manchester, code that produce an writing good essays Westbourne School entertaining animated display. Essay creative writing Abbey College Manchester! However, it should never contain a description of what the how to write a life story essay epsom college program is writing good essays Westbourne School for, its minor version number, or the date of writing good essays Westbourne School, the most recent code revision, or the website where to get the how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school updates, or the author's email address. How to write an introduction to a persuasive essay Mercersburg Academy! This way all the users will soon all be running on different versions, and will attempt to install version N+2 before installing version N+1. The more changes you can make between versions the better, you don't want users to writing good essays Westbourne School, become bored with the same old API or user interface year after year. Finally, if you can make this change without the users noticing, this is better still - it will keep them on their toes, and keep them from becoming complacent. If you have to write classes for some other programmer to use, put environment-checking code (getenv() in C++ / System.getProperty() in Java) in writing good essays Westbourne School your classes' nameless static initializers, and pass all your arguments to the classes this way, rather than in the constructor methods. The advantage is that the initializer methods get called as soon as the class program binaries get loaded , even before any of the classes get instantiated, so they will usually get executed before the program main(). writing good essays Westbourne School! In other words, there will be no way for the rest of writing good essays Westbourne School, the program to essay creative writing abbey college manchester, modify these parameters before they get read into writing good essays Westbourne School, your classes - the users better have set up all their environment variables just the way you had them! Choose your variable names to have absolutely no relation to the labels used when such variables are displayed on the screen. E.g. Essay creative writing Abbey College Manchester! on the writing good essays Westbourne School screen label the field "Postal Code" but in the writing good essays Westbourne School code call the associated variable "zip" . Java lets you create methods that have the same name as the class, but that are not constructors. Exploit this to writing good essays Westbourne School, sow confusion. Never use layouts. That way when the maintenance programmer adds one more field he will have to manually adjust the absolute co-ordinates of every other thing displayed on the screen. If your boss forces you to how to write a life story essay epsom college, use a layout, use a single giant GridBagLayout, and hard code in absolute grid co-ordinates. In Java, disdain the interface. If your supervisors complain, tell them that Java interfaces force you to "cut-and-paste" code between different classes that implement the same interface the same way, and they know how hard that would be to maintain. Instead, do as the Java AWT designers did - put lots of functionality in your classes that can only writing good essays Westbourne School be used by classes that inherit from them, and use lots of "instanceof" checks in your methods. This way, if someone wants to reuse your code, they have to writing good essays Westbourne School, extend your classes. If they want to reuse your code from two different classes - tough luck, they can't extend both of them at once! Make all of your leaf classes final. After all, you're done with the project - certainly no one else could possibly improve on your work by extending your classes. And it might even be a security flaw - after all, isn't java.lang.String final for just this reason? If other coders in your project complain, tell them about the execution speed improvement you're getting. Make as many of your variables as possible static. If you don't need more than one instance of the class in this program, no one else ever will either. Again, if other coders in the custom written essays mercersburg academy project complain, tell them about the execution speed improvement you're getting. Keep all of your unused and outdated methods and variables around in your code. After all - if you needed to use it once in 1976, who knows if you will want to use it again sometime? Sure the program's changed since then, but it might just as easily change back, you "don't want to have to reinvent the wheel" (supervisors love talk like that). If you have left the comments on those methods and variables untouched, and sufficiently cryptic, anyone maintaining the code will be too scared to touch them. On a method called makeSnafucated insert only the writing good essays Westbourne School comment /* make snafucated */ . Never define what snafucated means anywhere . Only a fool does not already know, with complete certainty, what snafucated means. Reverse the parameters on a method called drawRectangle(height, width) to drawRectangle(width, height) without making any change whatsoever to the custom written essays mercersburg academy name of the method. Then a few releases later, reverse it back again. The maintenance programmers can't tell by quickly looking at writing good essays Westbourne School, any call if it has been adjusted yet. Generalisations are left as an exercise for the essay creative writing abbey college manchester reader. writing good essays Westbourne School! Instead of using a parameters to a single method, create as many separate methods as you can. For example instead of setAlignment(int alignment) where alignment is an enumerated constant, for left, right, center, create three methods: setLeftAlignment , setRightAlignment , and essay creative writing abbey college manchester setCenterAlignment . Of course, for the full effect, you must clone the common logic to make it hard to writing good essays Westbourne School, keep in sync. The Kama Sutra technique has the added advantage of driving any users or documenters of the package to distraction as well as the maintenance programmers. Create a dozen overloaded variants of the same method that differ in writing good essays Westbourne School only the define essay writing rossall school most minute detail. writing good essays Westbourne School! I think it was Oscar Wilde who observed that positions 47 and 115 of writing good essays Westbourne School, the Kama Sutra were the same except in 115 the articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz woman had her fingers crossed. Users of the package then have to carefully peruse the how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school long list of methods to figure out just which variant to use. The technique also balloons the documentation and thus ensures it will more likely be out of how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy, date. writing good essays Westbourne School! If the boss asks why you are doing this, explain it is solely for the convenience of the users. Again for the full effect, clone any common logic. Declare every method and variable public. After all, somebody, sometime might want to use it. Define essay writing Rossall School! Once a method has been declared public, it can't very well be retracted, now can it? This makes it very difficult to later change the how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy way anything works under the covers. It also has the writing good essays Westbourne School delightful side effect of obscuring what a class is for. If the writing good essays Westbourne School boss asks if you are out of your mind, tell him you are following the classic principles of how to write a life story essay epsom college, transparent interfaces. In C++, overload library functions by using #define. That way it looks like you are using a familiar library function where in actuality you are using something totally different. In C++, overload +,-,*,/ to do things totally unrelated to addition, subtraction etc. After all, if the writing good essays Westbourne School Stroustroup can use the shift operator to do I/O, why should you not be equally creative? If you overload +, make sure you do it in custom written essays mercersburg academy a way that i = i + 5; has a totally different meaning from i += 5; When documenting, and you need an arbitrary name to represent a filename use "file" . Never use an obviously arbitrary name like "Charlie.dat" or "Frodo.txt" . writing good essays Westbourne School! In general, in custom written essays mercersburg academy your examples, use arbitrary names that sound as much like reserved keywords as possible. For example, good names for parameters or variables would be: "bank" , "blank" , "class" , "const" , "constant" , "input" , "key" , "keyword" , "kind" , "output" , "parameter""parm" , "system" , "type" , "value" , "var" and "variable" . Articles writing jobs Lyceum Alpinum Zuoz! If you use actual reserved words for writing good essays Westbourne School your arbitrary names, which would be rejected by your command processor or compiler, so much the better. If you do this well, the users will be hopelessly confused between reserved keywords and arbitrary names in your example, but you can look innocent, claiming you did it to help them associate the appropriate purpose with each variable. Always document your command syntax with your own, unique, undocumented brand of BNF notation. Define essay writing Rossall School! Never explain the syntax by providing a suite of annotated sample valid and how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy invalid commands. writing good essays Westbourne School! That would demonstrate a complete lack of essay creative writing abbey college manchester, academic rigour. writing good essays Westbourne School! Railway diagrams are almost as gauche. Make sure there is writing good essays Westbourne School, no obvious way of how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school, telling a terminal symbol (something you would actually type) from an intermediate one -- something that represents a phrase in the syntax. Never use typeface, colour, caps, or any other visual clues to help the reader distinguish the how to write a life story essay epsom college two. Use the exact same punctuation glyphs in your BNF notation that you use in the command language itself, so the reader can never tell if a (. ), [. ], or ". 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Java is schizophrenic about array declarations. You can do them the writing good essays Westbourne School old C, way String x[], (which uses mixed pre-postfix notation) or the new way String[] x, which uses pure prefix notation. If you want to really confuse people, mix the notations: e.g. Custom written essays Mercersburg Academy! byte [] rowvector , colvector , matrix [] ; which is equivalent to: byte [] rowvector; byte [][] matrix; Java offers great opportunity for obfuscation whenever you have to writing good essays Westbourne School, convert. As a simple example, if you have to writing good essays Westbourne School, convert a double to a String, go circuitously, via Double with new Double(d).toString rather than the more direct Double.toString(d) . You can, of course, be far more circuitous than that! Avoid any conversion techniques recommended by the define essay writing rossall school Conversion Amanuensis. You get bonus points for how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy every extra temporary object you leave littering the heap after your conversion. Use threads with abandon. An example of the result of this sort of elitist thinking is the JDBC interface. It makes life easy for the JDBC implementor, but a nightmare for the maintenance programmer. It is far clumsier than the Fortran interface that came out with SQL three decades ago. Maintenance programmers, if somebody ever consulted them, would demand ways to how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy, hide the housekeeping details so they could see the forest for the trees. They would demand all sorts of writing good essays Westbourne School, shortcuts so they would not have to type so much and so they could see more of the program at once on the how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy screen. They would complain loudly about the myriad petty time-wasting tasks the compilers demand of how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school, them. There are some efforts in this direction: NetRexx, Bali, and visual editors (e.g. IBM's Visual Age is a start) that can collapse detail irrelevant to the current purpose. Imagine taking on define essay writing rossall school, a software developer as a client. writing good essays Westbourne School! He insists on maintaining all his data with a text editor. He is not yet even exploiting the word processor's colour, type size or fonts. Think of how to write an introduction to a persuasive essay mercersburg academy, what might happen if we started storing source code as structured data. 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With changes as transparent overlay sets that you can optionally remove or apply, you could watch in real time as other programmers on your team, working in a different country, modified code in classes that you were working on too. You could use the full colour abilities of the modern screen to how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school, give subliminal clues, e.g. by automatically assigning a portion of the spectrum to each package/class using a pastel shades as the backgrounds to any references to methods or variables of that class. You could bold face the definition of any identifier to make it stand out. You could ask what methods/constructors will produce an articles writing jobs lyceum alpinum zuoz object of type X? What methods will accept an object of type X as a parameter? What variables are accessible in this point in the code? By clicking on a method invocation or variable reference, you could see its definition, helping sort out which version of a given method will actually be invoked. You could ask to globally visit all references to writing good essays Westbourne School, a given method or variable, and how to write literary analysis essay st. michaels university school tick them off once each was dealt with. You could do quite a bit of code writing by point and click. Some of these ideas would not pan out. But the writing good essays Westbourne School best way to find out which would be valuable in practice is to try them. Custom written essays Mercersburg Academy! Once we had the writing good essays Westbourne School basic tool, we could experiment with hundreds of similar ideas to make like easier for the maintenance programmer. I discuss this further under SCID and writing good essays Westbourne School in the SCID student project. If you enjoyed this essay you might like this one on how to write like a newbie.